From our earliest memories of childhood games, a leader is defined as the one out in front, stepping out first from the others who follow.

Ironically, this model works well as you are climbing up the ladder towards leadership, but it fails miserably when being a leader.

Taking the lead and being a leader are two separate and opposite ideas.

I learned this the hard way at work since I had excelled in my career because I perfected the ability of stepping up and being the one in front.  This worked up to the point when I started to manage and lead many others.  What I found was that this behavior diminished results. You see, as a leader when you step in too much to take the lead, others step out.  Taking the lead is a detrimental option as a leader. 

After all when you are taking the lead and are out in front, you get noticed.  The spotlight is on you.  These are all necessary tactics for advancing.  But the opposite is true when it comes to being a leader.

Being a leader and becoming the best leader you can be means unlearning everything that has gotten you to the top.  Suddenly, it’s no longer about you and how you get things done, instead it’s more about others and how you are able to inspire them to achieve great things.  Being out in front has an entirely different meaning when you are the leader.

The transition from taking the lead to being a leader is a difficult one.

It really is a conundrum.  The best people at taking the lead may get recognized, but may not always be the best leader.  And the best leaders may not always get recognized because they aren’t able to step out in front and take the lead.

I see this a lot in my coaching practice.  I get the “take the lead” kind of person struggling with being a great leader.  And I get the potentially great leader who can’t get noticed because they have difficulty standing out in front.  Last month when Susan Cain’s book Quiet:  The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking came out I wondered if the introvert/extrovert equation was at play here.

So I did a bit of my own research using results of The Birkman Method (a behavioral assessment tool) and categorizing my clients and myself.  The results showed that there is some relationship with being an introvert and having more difficulty in “taking the lead” whereas extroverts have more ease here but can be too harsh, too direct or commanding when it comes to “being a leader.”

I have also had this validated in my experience as a parent leader.  Raising a daughter who is an introvert has stretched me.  Seeing how my extraverted ways can actually hinder her development has shown me that my leadership development needs are different than someone who is naturally an introvert.

So what does this all mean?

If you are an introvert, your work in leadership is probably going to be related more to getting noticed and standing out versus delving deeper into learning about how to be a better leader.  Focusing on taking the lead and finding your unique way of standing out above the rest is key.

Since introverts are generally more inwardly focused, they tend to be more in-tune with the needs of others with varying strengths and developmental needs and can make wonderful leaders.   The issue is getting noticed in a world that is more biased to an externally driven,”charismatic” leader.

If you are an extrovert, your work in leadership is probably going to be related more to refining your tendency to step in and take command over the situation.  You will need to develop better collaboration and listening skills that can help leverage the brilliance and abilities of others.

Your focus will be on developing the tools to be a better leader as opposed to focusing on learning how to take the lead on things.  It will be important to understand that not all situations require you to take the lead.  In fact, being a better leader often requires you to step aside and enable others to take the lead.

Step into the middle of this board room conversation …”I learned my wife doesn’t care about getting gifts or flowers, she wants me to help out around the house. Oh, not my girlfriend, if I don’t tell her how special she is to me all the time, she thinks something is wrong!” After several female board members piped in about what their beliefs were about their husbands and partners preferences, someone suggesting reading   The Five Love Languages by Dr. Gary Chapman.

Being a consultant who works with companies with people conflict, I pondered on the “appreciation languages” of my consulting client’s employees…or even the  Texas Women Rockers?  

How many times had I interviewed employees who were starved for recognition from their manager? Research had reported countless times that money was not a motivator, so what could an employer do?  Most look to books for an idea list of recognition methods, without any idea of what would speak to the individual. 

If Dr. Chapman’s ideas work for love, how about for business?

With my apologies to Dr. Chapman, how about a quiz which flagged the primary way our employees want to be recognized at work?  Select your number 1 and number 2 preferred mentod of appreciation from the choices below.

APPRECIATION LANGUAGE QUIZ

I feel most valued when a person/manager/co-worker:

 ______Tells me how grateful they are for me and the things I do for them or the company

 ______ Gives me their focused attention without any interruptions

 ______Brings me a gift or other tangible item of appreciation

 ______Pitches in to help me, perhaps taking over something that I’m behind on or find routine or boring

 ______Expresses positive feelings through acceptable physical contact- like a pat on the back, high-5 or knuckle bump

To learn more about your style, go to Pat Dolen  for the “rest of the story”.

Women who rock never give up on ideas that touch their heart!

My friend Joan Portman is my current inspiration.  Yesterday I received an email from her thanking a group of us for supporting her and her dream over the years (we all belonged to the Windsor Club and met for breakfast twice a month for ten years).  She proudly notified us that her “idea that became a dream and finally…after nine years, has become reality.” 

Joan is a certified interior designer specializing in feng shui and the Founder of Healing Environments. The idea for Healing Environments came when she was caring for her father during his nine months of treatment for brain cancer.  “During his hospitalization in Texas, I brought in various personal items from home – a colorful afghan made by my mother-in-law, his favorite music and books on CD, family photos, and a beautiful orchid plant – to bring color, life and the elements of nature into his room.”   

Through her training in feng shui and interior design, Joan knew that one’s environment could help to lift the spirits of patients and their families.  When she moved from Texas to Pennsylvania she took her idea with her.  She was just as determined as ever to make it a reality and she did! 

The Healing Environments program initially kicked off in the Inpatient Oncology Unit, (St. Mary Medical Center in Pennsylvania) allowing patients to make their rooms feel more warm, cozy, friendly, and comforting by bring personalized items into their rooms.  Carts are brought to the patients’ rooms so that they can choose handmade afghans and quilts, children’s art, books, magazines, and sleep masks.  More than 500 items have been lovingly crocheted, knitted and sewn as gifts for the patients.  Each item has a “special healing prayer tucked into a heart-shaped pocket.” 

Nine years of determination, vision, and conviction have led to a program that will grow, spread and serve countless patients and families over the years to come!  And all because Joan Portman had a dream that she wouldn’t let go of – until it became a reality and now she can set it free so that it can grow through the loving support of everyone touched by her dream. 

Even though Joan now lives in Pennsylvania, I still say she’s a Texas woman who rocks! 

What’s your dream – that you won’t let go of?  Whatever it is, let Joan be your inspiration and source of energy and encouragement to keep on making your dreams a reality!

It is easy for us to blame others when things may not be going our way.   Just as this may be our knee-jerk reaction, it is equally difficult to take out the mirror and ask ourselves “what’s my part of this problem?”   However, Leaders can lead others by going first and identifying their contribution to the problem before engaging in the blame-game. 

Take a moment and shift this behavior in yourself, and get ready for better results.  When we look at ourselves first to see what we could do better, others will do the same.  Problems get resolved without making anyone get defensive.   In times like this, we can’t afford downtime filled with negative emotions, this technique is a simple tool to help boost productivity and enhance momentum. 

It starts with you.  Lead by going first.  Can you ask yourself  “what’s my part of this problem?”